Born Again

Me and tamerz went for a meeting with Elena, a russian emigrant who is very involved with natural childbirth, midwifery, and similar activities. At our meeting Elena facilitated a "rebirthing" activity. I got quite a lot from it. For Tami it was a very unpleasant and unhelpful activity, but I'm only going to write here about my own experience. I just mention Tami's because one of the lessons is that there has to be a good match between the facilitator and the facilitatee; Tami and Elena are not a good match.

First, some background:

Elena had us dance and do some physical activities that were intended to shift consciousness from the discursive, cortical realm to the more primitive, reptilian core of the brain. This area, the limbic system, is where emotions are stored. Elena explained that our birth processes leave very strong imprints on the limbic system. These imprints are a kind of emotional foundation upon which we base much of our responses to the world. For example, a reason why many people will choose mates who are, say, absent, may be that at birth the mother was emotionally or physically absent (sedated, or awake but not a conscious person) and the infants first experience is of being abandoned and terrified. This experience imprints itself on the limbic system. The infant grows and starts having romantic relationships. Because of the limbic imprint, relationships that will lead to abandonment "fit" and are interpreted as "safe." So, over and over the adult chooses relationships with the same sad outcome.

The solution, according to Elena and those who use these techniques, is to reprogram the limbic imprint. One way to do this is to re-experience birth with enough awareness to choose one's situation. Make positive choices, and the limbic imprint will change in a positive and empowering way.

So, once Elena was satisfied that our consciousness had shifted she talked us through what was essentially a guided fantasy, conducted in a light trance state. Here's how my story went:

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I am an unembodied being in a spaceless, timeless realm where I am aware of Heruka dancing in front of me. To each side of Heruka are energy vortices of varying shades of light and color. I am drawn toward one to the left of Heruka; as I approach it I am sucked into it and it becomes a wormhole drawing me into a physical dimension.

At the far end of the wormhole I can see earth, suspended in space. As I move toward the earth I am aware of various beings who seem to be outside the wormhole witnessing my progress. I am thinking, "I will learn this time to love myself."

Earth comes up toward me; I am over Asia, over the Himalayas, moving across the landscape toward the northern Ambo region of Tibet. There, in a high mountain valley covered in grass I see a beautiful young woman and her handsome strong husband outside their hut (a type of yurt). I feel strongly drawn toward this couple.

I come into the woman's belly where I see a bright, glowing sphere. This sphere is an aspect of a fertile egg; it is the welcoming, fertile energy of the egg. I sense that it is pulsing, and I feel that I am pulsing with it.

Approaching the egg I see another energy, a long dart of bright reddish light. It is the sperm-energy of the woman's husband. It merges with the sphere in a kind of explosion and the energy is intensified; it is warm and welcoming and embraces me so that I become a part of it.

The energy continues to pulse and to grow. Now I am pulsing and growing, and I can feel new sensations as the energy becomes a physical body. I am growing limbs, and hands and feet, and a face and organs. Everything continues to pulse. I grow larger and am aware of the space around me, of how I am filling it up, of how I am part of it. I become aware of my mother; of her joy and of how she feels at home in the world; how she feels nurtured by the love of her husband, and how she loves him. I feel her own sensations of her body; I can feel her touch the tenderness of her breasts, I feel her as shits, I can feel waves of pleasure radiate from her vagina when she makes love with her husband. I am not separate from these feelings; they are all part of the continual, tidal pulsing that is all around me.

Now I am aware that it is time for a great change. I feel pressure around me as I am pushed into the birth canal, and beyond, and into the light of the outside world. Here I am held by my mother. I am wrapped in wooly sheepskin and she holds me to her breast. She is laughing and crying with pleasure and joy. I see my father's face, I see his smile and feel him touch me. I feel safe and happy.

Everywhere the pulsing continues. I can feel the animals pulsing with my own pulsing. I know that they are aware that I have come into the world, and they feel a quiet animal joy that I am among them. I can feel them feel this.

As my mother holds me I can see the beautiful blue sky above me. My mother's face and father's face are at the periphery of my vision. Beyond them I see a vast bowl of earth cradled between snow-capped mountains. And above the mountains is sky, beautiful sky, pure and blue.
In the sky there are energy beings; they are like whirlpools of light. They are buddhas and dakinis. They are pulsing with the same energy that I pulse with, that the animals pulse with, the same pulse that runs through my mother and my father and valley in which we live and the mountains surrounding us. It is a pulse of love and of oneness. I am a separate being, but I am not separate; I am joined to the oneness of all beings. I feel joy, I feel loved.

I am aware that the energy of a lama is present, although the lama is not physically present. He is my family's root teacher, an ordinary lama who lives in a monastery several days journey away. I feel his blessings.

I feel my mother's warm smooth skin. I can smell her and my father and our home. I taste my mother in my mouth. My eyes are wide open and I am seeing everything clearly.

I am happy to be born. I am happy to be here. I feel loved and secure. This is the way it will be with me in this fortunate life into which I have been born.

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This is the story that came to me as I was following along in the process. I just kept relaxing and not judging and letting images come as they arose. Afterwards, when I was relating the images to Elena and Tami, I was surprised at how moving they were. I sobbed and felt like a great thing had happened within me. I was emotionally tender the rest of the afternoon, and felt very sleepy and went to be early in the evening.